Why applying to jobs is as difficult as talking to these cute girls behind me

Chillin at the Green Grind

So I’m at the Green Grind coffee shop, as I am want to do on Sundays, just doing the usual job application/programming business and there are a fair amount of cute girls here.  By the way, for you python coders out there:

fair = 2
So while I’m working on this job application, I’m also thinking of clever things I could say to talk to these girls and I stumbled upon an epiphany: they’re the same thing.  They’re exactly the same process and they have the same hurdles.  Here are some of them:

1. It’s really difficult to talk about how great you are without sounding like a dick.

I like to think I’m better than a lot of people out there.  I work really hard, have an understanding of technical skills and also an aesthetic eye.  I can communicate very well and don’t get wrapped up in politics or beat around the bush when it comes to getting the job done.  But saying it outright is pretty douchey, so I usually do a slow transition to the topic of “how great I am”.  Even then I feel pretty terrible.  I’d love to see what happens if I just jumped into their conversation going like “YEAH, I ALSO LIKE THE SMITHS AND I LIKE THEM MUCH MORE THAN THAT OTHER GUY”.  That would be amazing.

2. I really have no idea exactly who you are.

So, now that my greatness is out of the way, who exactly are you?  Just because I think you’re attractive (job or person) doesn’t really mean you’re that great.  If you’re a company and you don’t actually list what your company does to be a company, you’re really making it hard for anyone to want to talk to you.  I’m sure a lot of you have seen those job postings where everything is confidential (this is just an example…not something I actually applied for.  Don’t want y’all poaching my stuff) and say all these generic tasks and what not.  Who applies to these things? You’re forcing me to make all sorts of assumptions and judgements on the slightest things, and if you’re me – these assumptions are terrible.  For example, does that striped shirt means that you buy exclusively blood diamonds and that you actually enjoy Matthew McConaughey movies?  Why are you so secretive about your identity, company? WHY?

3. Cash Rules Everything Around Me

Don’t ask me how much I want to get paid.  Just say I want to pay from X to Y and be done with it.  Not sure how that relates to those girls but I think one of them just looked at me.

4. Y’all need to work on dem extra curriculars.

I’m not eavesdropping on your conversation, but if I was, I’d tell you to talk about something more interesting than the minutia of life or whatever you’re talking about.  Besides, this is research for this blog post I’m writing.  Anyways.  Companies need to do a better job of showing off their company culture and stuff that they do to maintain unity in the company.  A good example of this would be Rethink who has plugged their ping-pong-and-ping-pong-related-lifestyles since as long as I can remember and I’ve been visiting their page monthly since like, 2006.  After showing us what you do, show us how pay your team back for it.  I think showing that you understand what your employee’s interests are will go a long way in keeping morale and loyalty up, as well as be more attractive to new people that want to join your company.  I really hope one of them just starts talking about their collection of Chris Gaines memorabilia.  That’d be a compelling subject.

I’m getting another coffee.

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